jam_pony_fic

Title: The Plan is Pretty Wack
Author:

tartanshell
Rating: PG-13
Pairing/characters: Joshua gen
Summary: He didn't fall in love the first time. That came later.
Word count: 745
Timeline/spoilers: Set between "Hello, Goodbye" and "Dawg Day Afternoon."
Disclaimer: I don't own Dark Angel.
Notes: For the contest (prompt: "first time") if I haven't missed the deadline. Otherwise, just a fic. ;)

First time Joshua touched upstairs people was Father. Father, at night, telling stories. Reading. Is touching Joshua's hair. Is kissing Isaac's forehead, then Joshua. Nighty-night, sleeping tight. Joshua is first, oldest, special. Should say goodnight to Father first, but Isaac is Father's favorite. Isaac is smallest. Special, too, and Joshua, oldest, is patient. Joshua understands. Joshua takes care of brother.

When Father goes, Joshua does not touch upstairs people for a long time. After they come and hurt Isaac, then upstairs people stop coming, Joshua almost forgets there is upstairs. Upstairs people forget there is basement. Forget Joshua.

Joshua is oldest, special, first. He takes care of everyone. Makes sure they're okay.

Then Max. Max touched Joshua's hand. Max was not afraid of Joshua. Max saw man with too much canine in his cocktail. Max saw Joshua. First since Father.

Then Annie. Annie is special. Annie sees Joshua because she can't see. First time Joshua ever met someone, just Joshua. Just mind, thinking, voice talking, no cocktail, no body. Just Joshua. Joshua is good. Special. Beautiful, talking to Annie.

Annie is beautiful talking to Joshua. Annie...is beautiful.

Joshua touches Annie when he paints. Brush on her lips, strokes shading her skin. When he paints, he can smell her. Mint in her soap. Something sweet in her hair, like Little Debbie. Tricks and treats. Dry paper-smell from stories she reads with her fingers.

Annie sees with her hands touching like Joshua touches with his eyes, painting what he sees.

He can't touch Annie. Can't let Annie touch him. Like his own virus bitch, not going down. Not 'not yet.' Not ever. People afraid of what they don't understand, and upstairs people don't understand Joshua.

Upstairs people, Annie, understand Joshua talking. Understand Joshua's paintings. Understand Joshua when they can't see his face.

Upstairs people see Joshua and not understand. Stop understanding, sometimes, even when before, laughing, talking, thinking Joshua's okay. Start waving hands, pointing, eyes getting big, yelling, wanting help. People screaming, "Ohh! Dogface! Dog man! Help! Monster!"

Joshua is looking at his face sometimes and not understanding.

Joshua is...Joshua.

Sometimes, Joshua looking at his face in the mirror, after people screaming and pointing and yelling monster, and is thinking Joshua is pretty FUBAR. Those times, Joshua wishes he could ask Father what was the plan.

Man plus dog. That was the plan? That plan is Joshua. Dogman. Dogface. Dogboy.

Maybe Joshua and Isaac and Father was the plan, but that plan went down. Father gone. Isaac gone. Just Joshua, no plan.

No plan. Joshua not touching upstairs people. Upstairs people afraid of Joshua, not understanding. Joshua not understanding.

Joshua not touching Annie. Joshua and Annie is not the plan. Joshua and Annie can't get busy. Not the plan, Joshua holding Annie's hand; Annie screaming. Joshua touching Annie's hair, seeing if it's as soft as how he painted, and Annie seeing Joshua's dogface with her fingers and saying, "Help!"

Joshua kissing Annie; Annie feeling fangs against her lips and not...not understanding. Thinking Joshua is monster.

Not the plan.

Joshua getting busy is not the plan. Not with Annie. Not with any upstairs people. Too much canine in Joshua's cocktail. (Alec laughed one time, joking with Joshua, saying too much canine in cock; no tail for Joshua. Joshua was not laughing. Too much, Alec thinks Joshua is dog. Is not understanding Joshua is man, too.)

Joshua is man, too. So, not getting busy with dogs. That'd be pretty damn wack. Dogs are dogs. Not like Joshua. Not reading, painting, talking. No clothes. Not understanding.

Joshua has a plan. Painting. Reading. Looking for Father. Talking to Annie on the phone, maybe. Saying is friend from France. Saying, Joshua is not ever coming back. Annie can hear Joshua's voice and remember Alec's face and think Joshua is not monster. Annie can understand Joshua, staying friends. Staying apart.

Joshua can paint Annie. Go out for tricks and treats. Can help Max. Joshua can touch Max. Hold Max's hand. Hold Max. Kiss Max with fangs on her cheek, on her forehead, and know Max understands. Max knows Joshua is not monster.

Little Fella is pack. Family. Alec, too. But Max and Alec and Joshua is not the big plan. Max and Alec are X-5. Same cocktail. Understanding with upstairs people. Not much screaming.

Joshua is Joshua. Special. First. And Joshua is last, too, because no one is like Joshua. Joshua's alone. First. Last.

That's the plan. It's pretty wack.